On the Brink of Divorce?

Certified Discernment Counselor — Northern Virginia & Online Across Virginia

LEANING IN? KEEPING THE SAME? LEANING OUT?

When your marriage is at a crossroads, even simple decisions can feel overwhelming. You may be asking yourself:

• “Do I want this marriage?”

• “Is change even possible?”

• “Should we try counseling again or accept that things aren’t working?”

• “If one of us wants out… is there still a we to work with?”

If you or your spouse is considering divorce but feeling unsure, Discernment Counseling offers a supportive, structured way to gain clarity before making a permanent decision.

What Is Discernment Counseling?

Discernment Counseling is a short-term, specialized process (1–5 sessions) designed specifically for mixed-agenda couples—where one partner is “leaning out” of the marriage while the other is “leaning in.”

Unlike traditional couples therapy—which assumes both partners want to repair the relationship—Discernment Counseling helps couples:

• Understand what has happened in the marriage

• Clarify whether the problems can realistically be resolved

• Decide whether to pursue divorce or commit to a final, focused round of couples therapy

As a Certified Discernment Counselor, I provide a safe, nonjudgmental space for both partners to explore their needs, fears, hopes, and motivations with honesty and support.

The Goal:

To help you reach a clear, confident, and compassionate decision about the future of your marriage.

Why Couples Choose Discernment Counseling

This approach is ideal when:

• One partner is unsure about staying married

• One partner is seriously considering divorce

• Traditional marriage counseling has stalled or failed

• Both partners feel stuck, exhausted, or hopeless

• You want one last, honest look at the relationship before deciding its future

If you’re in a mixed-agenda relationship—one leaning in, one leaning out—Discernment Counseling is the correct and evidence-supported pathway.

The Core Principles of Discernment Counseling

Principles About Marriage

• Lifelong commitment is increasingly difficult in today’s fast-moving culture.

• Children have a deep stake in the health and stability of their parents’ marriage.

• Before ending a marriage, it is worth exploring whether meaningful repair is possible.

Principles About Healing

• Many marriages can improve when both partners commit to change.

• Therapy should first explore whether healing is possible—not push couples prematurely toward divorce.

• Healing must never come at the cost of emotional safety or fairness.

Principles About Divorce

• Some divorces are necessary to prevent further harm.

• Some divorces occur because one partner chooses to leave despite the other’s wishes.

• Many modern divorces could be prevented if couples explored their issues with guidance before reaching a breaking point.

• When couples choose to divorce, therapists should provide referrals that support a fair, respectful, and healing process.

What You’ll Gain From Discernment Counseling

Discernment Counseling helps couples achieve:

✓ Clarity and Confidence

Understand what is happening in your relationship—and what you truly want moving forward.

✓ Three Perspectives

Your view, your partner’s view, and the professional insights of a Certified Discernment Counselor.

✓ A Clear Direction

Choose one of three paths:

1. Stay the same (no immediate changes)

2. Move toward divorce

3. Commit to a structured, time-limited course of couples therapy

✓ Deeper Understanding

Explore whether meaningful, long-term change is possible—before making permanent decisions.

How Discernment Counseling Works

Discernment Counseling combines individual conversations and joint discussions, allowing both partners to speak openly without pressure or fear.

Each session includes:

• Private time with each partner to explore your personal thoughts, concerns, and hopes

• Joint time to reflect, share insights, and consider possible paths

• A structured decision-making process focused on clarity—not blame and not premature repair

Format: 1–5 sessions, each with a clear agenda centered on understanding, insight, and decision-making.

This is not marriage counseling. The purpose is not to fix the relationship immediately, but to determine whether the two of you want to commit to the healing process.

Is Discernment Counseling Right for You?

Discernment Counseling may be the right fit if:

• You are unsure whether to stay or leave

• Your partner is ambivalent or leaning toward divorce

• A major rupture has occurred and you are assessing next steps

• You want thoughtful, guided clarity—not pressure

• You are repeating the same painful patterns

• You want a process that respects both partners’ emotional reality

Whether you ultimately choose healing or separation, Discernment Counseling ensures your decision is informed, intentional, and grounded.

Before Making a Permanent Decision… Take Time to Discern

Ending a marriage—or deciding to fight for it—is one of life’s largest decisions. Discernment Counseling gives you the space, structure, and support to choose your next step with courage and clarity.

Move forward with greater peace, confidence, and understanding—together or apart.