On the Brink of Divorce?

Certified Discernment Counselor — Northern Virginia & Online Across Virginia

LEANING IN?  KEEPING THE SAME?  LEANING OUT?

When your marriage is at a crossroads, deciding what to do next can feel overwhelming. You may be asking yourself:

• “Do I want this marriage?”

• “Is change even possible?”

• “Should we try counseling again or accept that things aren’t working?”

• “If one of us wants out… is there still a ‘we’ to work with?”

If you or your spouse is considering divorce but feeling unsure, Discernment Counseling offers a supportive, structured way to gain clarity before making a permanent decision.

What Is Discernment Counseling?

Discernment Counseling is a short-term, specialized process (1–5 sessions) designed specifically for couples where one partner is “leaning out” and the other is “leaning in.”

Unlike traditional marriage counseling—which assumes both partners want to repair the relationship—Discernment Counseling helps couples:

• Understand what has happened to the marriage

• Clarify whether the problems can be resolved

• Decide whether to pursue divorce or commit to a final, focused round of couples counseling

As a Certified Discernment Counselor, I provide a safe, nonjudgmental space for both partners to explore what they truly want with honesty and support.

The goal:To help you reach a clear, confident, and compassionate decision about the future of your marriage.

Why Couples Choose Discernment Counseling

This approach is ideal when:

• One partner is unsure about staying married

• One partner is seriously considering divorce

• Traditional marriage counseling hasn’t worked

• One or both partners feel stuck, exhausted, or hopeless

• You want one last, honest look at your marriage before deciding its future

If you’re in a “mixed-agenda” relationship—one leaning in, one leaning out—Discernment Counseling is the correct and evidence-supported pathway.

The Core Principles of Discernment Counseling

Principles About Marriage

• Lifelong commitment is increasingly difficult in today’s fast-moving culture.

• Children have a deep stake in the health and stability of their parents’ marriage.

• Before ending a marriage, it is worth exploring whether meaningful repair is possible.

Principles About Healing

• Many marriages can improve when both partners commit to change.

• Therapy should first explore whether healing is possible—not push couples prematurely toward divorce.

• Healing must never come at the cost of one partner’s emotional safety or fairness.

Principles About Divorce

• Some divorces are necessary to prevent further harm.

• Some divorces occur because one partner chooses to leave despite the other’s wishes.

• Many modern divorces could be prevented if couples explored their issues with guidance before reaching a breaking point.

• When couples decide to divorce, therapists should offer resources for a fair, respectful, and healing process.

What You’ll Gain From Discernment Counseling

Discernment Counseling helps couples achieve:

✓ Clarity and Confidence

Understand what’s happening in the relationship—and what you truly want moving forward.

✓ Three Perspectives

Your view, your partner’s view, and the insights of a Certified Discernment Counselor.

✓ A Clear Direction

Choose one of three paths:

1. Stay the same (no immediate change)

2. Move toward divorce

3. Commit to a time-limited, structured course of couples counseling

✓ Deeper Understanding

Discover whether meaningful, long-term change is possible—before making permanent decisions.

How Discernment Counseling Works

Discernment Counseling includes a blend of individual and joint sessions, allowing both partners to speak openly without pressure.

Each session includes:

• Private conversations with each partner to explore your personal thoughts, hopes, and concerns

• Joint sessions to reflect, consider options, and understand each other’s perspective

• A structured decision-making process focused on clarity—not blame and not premature repair

Format:1–5 sessions, each with a clear agenda centered on understanding, insight, and decision-making.

This is not marriage counseling. The focus is on deciding whether to try reconciliation—not doing the reconciliation work itself.

Is Discernment Counseling Right for You?

Discernment Counseling is the right fit if:

• You’re unsure whether to stay or leave

• Your partner is ambivalent or leaning toward divorce

• A major rupture has occurred and you’re evaluating your next steps

• You want thoughtful, guided clarity—not pressure

• You’re tired of repeating the same painful patterns

• You want a path that respects both partners’ emotional reality

Whether you ultimately choose healing or separation, this process ensures your decision is informed, intentional, and grounded.

Before Making a Permanent Decision… Take Time to Discern

Ending a marriage—or deciding to fight for it—is one of life’s largest decisions. Discernment Counseling gives you the space, structure, and support to choose your path with courage and clarity.

Move forward with greater peace, confidence, and understanding—together or apart.